1. Portland, OR. (Yeah, yeah, yeah.) I wonder how long before Portland gets Seattled by all us asshole Californians fleeing there. Sorry about all that, guys. But I'm happy for my friends who have moved there; it's a great town and I love to visit.
2. Providence, RI. Aside from the Lovecraft connection, I dunno. I'd like to visit there, though.
3. New Haven, CT. Oh great! Yalies and angry underclass people!
4. Hartford, CT. Insurance?
5. Boston, MA. Great place. I might even be able to stand the winters.
5. Eugene, OR. I hate hippies.
6. Corvallis, OR. OKAY OKAY OREGON WHATEVER
7. Worcester, MA. See Boston.
8. Medford, OR. The West's only water-powered grist mill! Of course!
9. Danbury, CT. Is this more insurance?
10. Little Rock, AR. I do not own a Bowie knife.
11. Honolulu, HI. Of all the places to live in Hawaii, this has to be at the bottom of my list.
12. Salem, OR. I GET IT.
13. Baltimore, MD. I am not sure I could handle a Baltimore summer no matter what else the advantages.
14. Sacramento, CA. Because I like rice farming, politicians, boredom, and brain-searing heat!
15. Cape Cod, MA. See Boston.
16. San Francisco, CA. My personal #1. I'd move there if I won the lottery.
17. Washington, DC. I have been in DC in August. I do not understand why the other humans had not left.
18. San Jose, CA. People tell me there are nice parts of this town; I haven't seen them. I really think of it as a place to get gas or to install computers in a colocation center and then have a bad burrito.
19. Bend, OR. OREGON GONG! Plus the magic of lumber!
20. Las Vegas, NV. This is a place to visit for 3 days and enjoy the superheated Fellini film, and then run away. It is not a habitation.
21. Baton Rouge, LA. Heat, humidity, huge insects, the KKK, more huge insects, drunken corrupt law enforcement, and heat. I think they believe I should live there because there is a college there.
22. New Orleans, LA. I think New Orleans would be worth a lot of the above because it's one of the world's great cities. I would take on that challenge.
23. Santa Barbara, CA. Hey, no problem. I like Santa Barbara just fine. I think less people should move there, though; they're already out of water.