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The American Caliban

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I did the findyourspot.com thing. [Jul. 21st, 2005|02:01 pm]
The American Caliban
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They pegged me as a book-hugging liberal who demands other rootless cosmopolitans, but without huge chunks of money. The results are pretty obvious.

1. Portland, OR. (Yeah, yeah, yeah.) I wonder how long before Portland gets Seattled by all us asshole Californians fleeing there. Sorry about all that, guys. But I'm happy for my friends who have moved there; it's a great town and I love to visit.

2. Providence, RI. Aside from the Lovecraft connection, I dunno. I'd like to visit there, though.

3. New Haven, CT. Oh great! Yalies and angry underclass people!

4. Hartford, CT. Insurance?

5. Boston, MA. Great place. I might even be able to stand the winters.

5. Eugene, OR. I hate hippies.

6. Corvallis, OR. OKAY OKAY OREGON WHATEVER

7. Worcester, MA. See Boston.

8. Medford, OR. The West's only water-powered grist mill! Of course!

9. Danbury, CT. Is this more insurance?

10. Little Rock, AR. I do not own a Bowie knife.

11. Honolulu, HI. Of all the places to live in Hawaii, this has to be at the bottom of my list.

12. Salem, OR. I GET IT.

13. Baltimore, MD. I am not sure I could handle a Baltimore summer no matter what else the advantages.

14. Sacramento, CA. Because I like rice farming, politicians, boredom, and brain-searing heat!

15. Cape Cod, MA. See Boston.

16. San Francisco, CA. My personal #1. I'd move there if I won the lottery.

17. Washington, DC. I have been in DC in August. I do not understand why the other humans had not left.

18. San Jose, CA. People tell me there are nice parts of this town; I haven't seen them. I really think of it as a place to get gas or to install computers in a colocation center and then have a bad burrito.

19. Bend, OR. OREGON GONG! Plus the magic of lumber!

20. Las Vegas, NV. This is a place to visit for 3 days and enjoy the superheated Fellini film, and then run away. It is not a habitation.

21. Baton Rouge, LA. Heat, humidity, huge insects, the KKK, more huge insects, drunken corrupt law enforcement, and heat. I think they believe I should live there because there is a college there.

22. New Orleans, LA. I think New Orleans would be worth a lot of the above because it's one of the world's great cities. I would take on that challenge.

23. Santa Barbara, CA. Hey, no problem. I like Santa Barbara just fine. I think less people should move there, though; they're already out of water.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: nosrialleon
2005-07-21 09:11 pm (UTC)
It of course could be because all the people I've seen fill this out have similar ideals, but the number of cities that have appeared in ALL of them makes me wonder if there's not some sort of civic bribery going on here.

Also: my uncle is a life-long Portlandian. He told me to tell my friends to STOP MOVING THERE.
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From: (Anonymous)
2005-07-21 09:17 pm (UTC)

Where to Live

Providence -- Did you mention that you'd vote for a mayor while he was in jail?

Hartford -- You like traffic problems?

Danbury -- Trader Joes and Stew Leonards. There's a big awful mall there, but you'd eat well.

For either Boston or Cape Cod, you'd have to win the lottery. And if you won the lottery, you'd move to San Francisco, so...

:;snort::
Laura
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[User Picture]From: mr_flippant
2005-07-21 10:55 pm (UTC)

Stew Leonards

I always wondered who thought animatronics would be a natural fit for a grocery store.

Also, they have good carrot cake.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: rance
2005-07-21 09:51 pm (UTC)

Disgruntled former New Englander

I find the people of Boston as cold as the winters.

Ditto Worcester, with an even uglier accent, and minus the rootless cosmopolitans.

Providence has the ill judgment to want to be Boston. It also sports the ugliest accents of all.

Retirees from New Hampshire are the only people who want to live on Cape Cod year-round.

In lieu of the above, I would offer Northampton, MA or Burlington, VT as superior alternatives. Cosmpolitan, progressive, and free of ugly accents.
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2005-07-21 09:56 pm (UTC)

Re: Disgruntled former New Englander

That makes sense. I think my nostalgia for Boston is misplaced and comes from being 18 and hanging around with college students, of which they have a wonderful oversupply there, and doing fun college student things. I have no idea what it's like to be middle-aged with middle-aged people there except for the life of rpkrajewski who is so cool that he probably has this amazing cool bubble around him and his family at all times.
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[User Picture]From: rance
2005-07-21 10:09 pm (UTC)

Re: Disgruntled former New Englander

I suspect findyourspot takes payoffs from the boards of realtors in some of these places. How else to account for Honolulu and Little Rock turning up no matter what criteria I enter. Or could these be America's own Shangri-Las?
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[User Picture]From: srl
2005-07-22 09:23 pm (UTC)

Re: Disgruntled former New Englander

There's a plentiful crowd of rootless geeks of all ages in the Boston area, though really the suburb/city cultural divide is what'll bite you. If you were actually thinking of relocating, catch up with me for more details.
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[User Picture]From: mendel
2005-07-22 01:03 am (UTC)
OREGONG. I'll have to try this thing.
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[User Picture]From: flipzagging
2005-07-22 01:31 am (UTC)
Portland, Hartford, Providence, Little Rock (??) SF didn't even make my list.

By the way, I was just comparing craigslists and the OC personals are terrifying.

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[User Picture]From: spacemummy
2005-07-23 02:34 am (UTC)
I am a bookhugger who can't enough of bearded ladies nursing. The weather is almost perfect. I love rain. Call me soggy in the brainpan.
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