The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban
substitute

  • Music:

Can't make love to the girls in this town

This is the weekend that I shall become one or more of:
  • A huge yet nimble insectoid creature, mantis-like in appearance, with serrated mandibles and forelegs, dripping with caustic goo, that lives only to rend humans limb from limb.

  • A charismatic street preacher whose exhortations to "Live as though you were already in HELL!" fill the air at gas stations, grocery stores, and open-air restaurants throughout the county.

  • A serial murderer of drywall contractors whose crimes include jigsaw pieces left in each victim's mouth; the pieces, as assembled by the detectives, are slowly revealing a face. But whose?

  • The only non Chinese member of the Communist Party's Central Coordinating Committee in Beijing.

  • Chewbacca.

  • The world's leading collector of pre 1989 Soviet and Eastern Bloc gay pornography.

  • Mary Baker Eddy.
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