The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban

Things I learned from watching this weekend's COPS marathon

  • Men without shirts beat women.

  • The T-Top Camaro always contains the drugs.

  • It only takes a few minutes to make a policewoman into a believable whore.

  • No one in the history of the world has ever had any idea how the drugs got into their car.

  • Do not “just be hangin out”. No good can come of it. The same is true for “being out ridin’ with my friends” and “kinda partyin a little”.

  • If you are going to be flat broke, do it in a blue state. Our nation’s hot, humid heartland, with its endless convenience store parking lots and lack of entertainment, will cause your poverty to sink rapidly into paint-huffing and domestic fisticuffs. August in Chattanooga is a terribly long month.

  • Athletic shoes without socks, logo t-shirts from cigarette brands, and hats provided by liquor distributors are warning signs.

After all of this I went to D’s for a bit and one of the “customers” of the mysterious suite upstairs arrived in a terrible rage. He was about 30 with a serious drug face that made him 50. He stormed upstairs and others saw him cutting something up with a knife and grabbing something with which he stormed out again after kicking a few things around. It was not at all cool; there were little kids around. O Bad Boys, O Bad Boys, wherefore are you gonna do?
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