The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban
substitute

An index nightmare for the year

Themes return often to my nightmares. Mostly I dream of travel anxieties, lost objects, school anxieties, and less frequently family discord. The last of these is usually the worst; my actual family troubles are subtle and undermining, but the dream ones are just a big emotional beat down with lots of hatred. Last night I had a long series of dreams which combined all of the usual hits plus every one of the album cuts and B-sides, including:

  • Travel to a faraway place (India)

  • My parents abandoning me in a hotel and going there on their own

  • My father disowning me completely in this process and taking one of my friends instead

  • Terrible hatred of my father as a result, and inability to contact him to tell him this

  • Return to the family home and huge fight with my mother, who also disowns me

  • Attempts to meet my father at the airport and assault/scream at him

  • Family throwing me out of ancestral home

  • Necessity to find a new place to live within 3 days because of this

  • Loss of keys to three (3) separate cars

  • Loss of keys to shitty apartment I’m forced to move into

  • Suicide


The “best” parts of this one were the bitter, demeaning, scathing tirades from my mother, the total lack of interest by my friends in my plight, and the sheer number of lost objects, all of which were my fault. I give this one a 9 on the 10 scale only because I did not wake up yelling.

I got up feeling tired this morning. I hope this is the end of these for the year. Bleah! BLEAH! I say.
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