The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban

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Tanned, rested, and ready: he's back

Folks, it's time you heard about the Poor Man. Those of you from Orange County, CA already know about this. You can skip this part. The Poor Man has been adhering to the edge of the entertainment business, like a limpet, for about 25 years now. I'm 37 and he was on the radio when I was in high school 20 years ago. His real name is Jim Trenton.

The Poor Man was a radio DJ and hung out at my high school, occasionally wandering off with some 15 year old girl. He was maybe 25 then. We all hated him. He was also annoying on the radio, sort of a loudmouth self promoter that even the other DJ's kinda disliked. He may or may not have invented the "Loveline" radio program that is now a big national TV sensation. KROQ fired him. He staggered off into the darkness but keeps reappearing like Gollum in The Lord of the Rings.

On and off for the past few years he has had a TV show called "Poor Man's Bikini Beach" in which local girls who look ok in swimsuits cavort about, preen, and engage in "Bikini Sports". During the show he promotes local businesses who probably gave him free food or coupons to go away. His show went off the air and is, unfortunately, back now. Here it is:

I ran into it whilst channel-surfing tonight. In case you're curious, tonight featured a "tanning competition" sponsored by one of those spray-booth tan shops, and the "bikini sport" was "bikini sand wrestling". There were also ads for dong-lengthening pills and $1 web hosting.

The Poor Man is now approximately 7,000 years old and continues to lech over young girls in this medium. He needs to get in the jail. Also, there is an animated version of him on the show that will eat your soul. Also, the girls on the show are bored and giggly and not at all professional. This is not their life. But it sure is HIS life.

Hugh Hefner is pretty pathetic, but at least he's rich as hell and has a media empire which he's leaving to his daughter. The Poor Man is a public spectacle, a Rake's Progress of stoned beach bums. It's like my previous employer (that's another story for another time), except this is all he can be, or will be, or ever was. Look into those empty eyes, folks, and see Death in Paradise.
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