The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban

How to tell an average American from a celebrity

Here in the U.S., we have a jury system which randomly selects ordinary people to pass judgment on others. This results occasionally, during a celebrity trial, in a situation where non-celebrities appear on television. This may be shocking to people outside our country who usually only see our celebrities on television and assume we all look like them.

For example, Belgian tourists arriving in buses to see BAYWATCH TOWN discover that Santa Monica, CA is full of non celebrities. Many of them demand a refund.

Just as a guide, here’s a good example of the difference. Below we have pictures of an actual celebrity who was selected by the Clearchannel Death Star’s excellent algorithm, and one of the relics of our 18th century jury system who became famous by accident. Please do not be disillusioned when you arrive here on vacation and find that most of us look like the latter.

1. Actual celebrity Ryan Seacrest:


2. Juror:


Thank you, that is all.
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