The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban


I think I need to find Misogyny for Dummies or something to bone up on how to be a proper bachelor. I’m too much of a softy and need some tips on how to fit into this role, since I’m pretty much stuck with it. Since I’m against suicide on principle but dislike pain, I need to find a way to deal with my future. As a 39-year-old virgin who has been rejected by every woman he ever approached, I am aware that my chances of sexual success are minimal enough to be considered zero. An anesthetic lifestyle with extensive coping mechanisms will be required.

Since one of my major problems is excessive empathy and emotional attachment to people who don’t really like me that much, this is going to be a challenge.

The best way of getting through the next 30-40 years would be, I originally though, massive amounts of alcohol, but my stomach won’t really tolerate that. I really don’t need the legal problems that go with other drugs, either.

The life of the glutton gastronome is appealing but would cause such serious medical problems for me that the risk/benefit there is pretty rotten also. I can’t see that losing limbs, eyesight, etc. would really be a good tradeoff.

I considered becoming a religious fanatic, which I’d be pretty good at, but I can’t stand the other religious fanatics.

So if anyone has tips on how to be a properly anesthetized bitter aging woman-hater, please speak up.

I’ve had it with being the understanding friend, the avuncular companion, the pathetic geek in the corner, or the spare guy who’s always there between boyfriends. Those roles are all just too painful. Please help me find a new stereotype.


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