I had to go to the drugstore in the middle of the night tonight. It’s always odd there. The employees consist of:
- Yosemite Sam guy with flowing white hair and mustache, who says “yup” a lot.
- Large shaven-headed wide grumpy black guy, about 30, who frequently wears pants to work that appear to be boxer underwear and are always falling off
- Incredibly fat-butted nice Mexican lady who speaks so softly I cannot hear her, ever
- Happy skinny Appalachian-looking 909 girl who is either a meth addict or deeply anorexic
- Tiny Vietnamese woman with thinning hair and a twitch who never, ever speaks but only roams the aisles picking things up and putting them down again
The customers -- myself excepted -- were all buying OMG LATE VALENTINE CRAP. Amusing or instructive characters included the gaggle of rich high school girls each buying $50 worth of candy; the bro-guy who talked to his buddies on his cellphone the whole time his loud, happy girlfriend was asking him which stuffed bear to buy; a very drunk man whose leather newsboy cap kept falling off; and an extremely cute emo girl with Converse lo-tops and loud red socks, whom I wanted to hit on but did not.
I did get some candy hearts for Mom. I figure someone’s got to, she hasn’t had anyone to do that since Dad died in ‘93.
Tomorrow morning I’m gonna get up early, spray musk all over my body, and hump the pine tree out front.