||[Jan. 5th, 2004|11:39 am]
The American Caliban
1. Pink or yellow text is a Class C Felony, punishable by a $10,000 fine and not less than four years in State Prison. |
2. Pull up your pants. Thousands of years of experimentation with clothing suggests that the upper third of your buttocks should be covered rather than exposed. Don’t mess with that!
3. Please observe reserved words and namespaces with foods. Don’t call something “Moussaka” when it has no eggplant, or “Club Sandwich” when it is a salad. Violators will be dealt with briskly, like medieval well poisoners.
4. Do not, ever again, to anyone, say: “It’s all good.” We live in a vale of tears, and occasionally we are kissed by joy. The two experiences are different and only one of them is “good”.
5. Do not upsell me, or anyone else. You have a minimum wage job. They will not pay you any more if you get me to purchase a pastry, or sign up for the “club card”. You’ve lost your status in society, keep at least your honor.