?

Log in

No account? Create an account
A Shout Out to My Pepys [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The American Caliban

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Links
[Links:| Dad Pinboard Last.fm Subscribe to me [Friendfeed] Flickr ]

Rules [Jan. 5th, 2004|11:39 am]
The American Caliban
1. Pink or yellow text is a Class C Felony, punishable by a $10,000 fine and not less than four years in State Prison.

2. Pull up your pants. Thousands of years of experimentation with clothing suggests that the upper third of your buttocks should be covered rather than exposed. Don’t mess with that!

3. Please observe reserved words and namespaces with foods. Don’t call something “Moussaka” when it has no eggplant, or “Club Sandwich” when it is a salad. Violators will be dealt with briskly, like medieval well poisoners.

4. Do not, ever again, to anyone, say: “It’s all good.” We live in a vale of tears, and occasionally we are kissed by joy. The two experiences are different and only one of them is “good”.

5. Do not upsell me, or anyone else. You have a minimum wage job. They will not pay you any more if you get me to purchase a pastry, or sign up for the “club card”. You’ve lost your status in society, keep at least your honor.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: mendel
2004-01-05 11:58 am (UTC)
The good cafeteria at work is closed, having been condensed into the scary cafeteria.

Today's club sandwich:

  • Bread
    • Mayo
    • Processed cheese
    • Turkey
    • Ham
    • Tomato
    • Lettuce
    • Mayo
  • Bread
    • Bacon
    • Tomato
    • Lettuce
    • Ham
    • Turkey
    • Processed cheese
    • Mayo
  • Bread
except he forgot the bacon, so included it separately for me to add later. Blargh. "More stuff" does not make a better club sandwich.

Also, you have reminded me to post about shish taouk, a post which has laid forgotten for years.

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: brianenigma
2004-01-05 01:03 pm (UTC)
I had a minimum wage job at Radio Shack. Well, technically it was "commission or minimum wage, whichever is highest," so it ended up being minimum wage. Anyway, I would get bonuses for up-selling and cross-selling and diagonal-selling and side-selling and backward-selling and [insert preposition or adjective]-selling.

Of course, those bonuses ("spiffs!") were somewhere in the range of $0.25, if that.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: frobisher
2004-01-05 10:46 pm (UTC)
I don't know what that says, but fines and prison are NOT ENOUGH.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nosrialleon
2004-01-05 02:51 pm (UTC)

Pants? PANTS?!?

BUTT YOU GOTS TO SEES MY BOX0RZ!!!!
ITS ALL GOO BRO - CAN I INTEREST YOU IN THE TOSTADA SALAD?
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: floydwilliams
2004-01-05 04:18 pm (UTC)

I get an 80% but maybe the pure strength of my hatred of yellw text gets me extra points

4. Do not, ever again, to anyone, say: “It’s all good.” We live in a vale of tears, and occasionally we are kissed by joy. The two experiences are different and only one of them is “good”.

No really it is all good. Here's why:
The world is full of possibilities. Most of them we would like. Those are not likely to occur. Many we would hate. These will likely occur. There will however be only one thing that does occur. Only one of the numerous possible outcomes for each possibility may come to reach manifestation. When it has reached that point wherein all possible choices are forced into one single reality we are forced to realize that it is the best outcome. It is the only and therefore devoid of competition defaulting it innto the role of the best. And so to this I say: "It is all good." Thanks -J
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: rpkrajewski
2004-01-05 08:10 pm (UTC)

Re: I get an 80% but maybe the pure strength of my hatred of yellw text gets me extra points

You know, I'd like to see two sharp debating teams go at “It's all good.”
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)