The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban
substitute

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American Health (irc funnies)

ignatz: ow peppermint extract
ignatz: again, peppermint tea is QUITE ENOUGH
stimps: some people don't get it
ignatz: Here, try this glass of wintergreen extract oops dead
stimps: IF A LITTLE IS GOOD THEN LET ME KILL YOU



stimps: zot
tuliphead: if x is good, then 10x must be great
tuliphead: loses
ignatz: yeah, like the customer at Mother's who tried to do a drug purification with goldenseal and shat out his own colon
tuliphead: aaaaaaaaaaa
pea: ababababababab
stimps: holy moly
tuliphead: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
tuliphead: aaaaaaaaa
tuliphead: a
ignatz: T DUMBASS, COLON PROLAPSE IS NATURE'S WAY OF SAYING YOU'RE A LAMER
stimps: iggy: that is so distressing
ignatz: yes
tuliphead: officially squicked here
ignatz: I think they have to put it back in with a plunge or something. It's just not a good way to spend your day.
stimps: holy erm crap
ignatz: health food store customers are the best
stimps: yeah
ignatz: also: appleseed tea guy, woman who bathes in ginger, and "No water in my hair products" people
stimps: ION SALT LAMP NO REALLY IT'S IMPROVING THE ENVIRONMENT AND YOUR CHAKRA
stimps: yeah
ignatz: bitter melon enemas
stimps: see, have some bitter melon curry, folks
stimps: I guess it's like anything, some people just go BUGFUCKO
ignatz: It's America. Too much is just enough.
stimps: HIGH COLONIC, GRAPESEED CLEANSING
ignatz: Supersize it! I want ultra strength! Give me Professional! Gold! Super! Oh GOD THIS IS A BIT TOO STRONG FOR ME MY BALLS FRIED OFF
stimps: haha
ignatz: this has 150,000 percent of the recommended daily vitamins! Why can't I breathe or move? What's a kidney?
stimps: THEY CALL ME MR. ORANGE BECAUSE I ONLY EAT BETA CAROTENE ALSO I CANNOT TALK BECAUSE MY TONGUE IS 10X ITS NORMAL SIZE
ignatz: WELL I WAS POWERING DOWN SOME ULTRA-FIBER 9000 PROTEIN ATKINS DRINK IN MY SUV WHEN SURPRISE SURPRISE I SHAT INTO 6 OF MY 9 CUPHOLDERS AND NOW I'M PRETTY MUCH MACROBIOTIC. TRY THESE WHEATLESS WHEAT THINGS, THEY'RE GREAT FOR YOUR VULVA!
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