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The American Caliban

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I am relating these stories because others did not! [Nov. 21st, 2003|10:46 am]
The American Caliban
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  1. Annals of Crazy Bible Mike and Friends: Blueberry Hill

    Crazy Bible Mike and his sidekick Beard & Glasses discussed their impending world takeover via religious novel, movie, and game for a few hours while I listened in rapt fascination. (I posted some of this as it happened in an all-caps blatherblog that day.) They then departed, and coincidentally kennfusion departed shortly afterwards.

    Fifteen minutes later Kenn returns, barely able to contain himself. The prophets themselves had been in line behind him at the market. They were purchasing frozen blueberries and propositioning just about every woman in the place to come "have blueberry pancakes" with them.

    None of this was made easier by the fact that Beard & Glasses always has a little Canon digicam with him lately and constantly takes pictures of girls at the coffeehouse. We don't need another David Koresh! Please!

  2. Fashion Notes from All Over: ITS IN UR BUT

    Last night, one of the local wealthy community college student girls showed up at the Napa and decided to show her friends her new tattoo. She was facing away from us at the time and was wearing the style the kids like these days which consists of pants that are falling off. Because of the placement of her tattoo, she showed us the entire right side of her butt for about 3 minutes straight. It was, despite her youth and general good shape, entirely unflattering but very humorous.

  3. Annals of Crazy Bible Mike and Beard & Glasses: YOU PANSY!

    Mike and B&G were outside discussing the Impending Nucular Holocaustogasm that was going to envelop the Earth in God's Mercy. They had previously been inside at their favorite seat, but had left it entirely unoccupied to go outside and smoke and enjoy God's Wrath. When they returned, local screenwriter/pervo Allan had taken said seat and was reading the paper. The following exchange occurred:

    B&G: You're in my seat.
    Allan: It was unoccupied.
    B&G: OK, but you took my seat, I want my seat back.
    Allan: [silence, reads paper]
    B&G (louder): That was my SEAT. Give me my SEAT BACK.
    Allan: [reading paper]
    B&G: LOOK THAT WAS MY FUCKING SEAT AND YOU TOOK IT, ASSHOLE. WHAT THE FUCK [continues]

    Beard & Glasses escalated further and more profanely, demanding succour from the management, who were not interested, and raising his voice further, and speaking foul words and many names that were critical of his fellow humans. Meanwhile Crazy Bible Mike tried to calm him down (good try!), and attempted to convince him that he was out of line, etc., without success. Finally B&G leaned close to Allan, who was still reading his paper, and hissed: "YOU... PANSY!" in his ear and left.

Oh, and they used the floor jack to hold up the building again. Oh, and the shift lead needs to report to the jail for his numerous failures to appear/pay on traffic charges.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nosrialleon
2003-11-21 11:58 am (UTC)

More proof that we never leave the playground, ever

So, wait:
His last word for this very petty and pointless argument was, essentially, calling the guy a fag?????
That must be in the Old Testament somewhere; doesn't sound like Jeebus' style to me.
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[User Picture]From: flipzagging
2003-11-21 12:19 pm (UTC)
That's in the Matthew 25. When the legions of the sinners are gathered at the left hand of Jesus, he squeals "Depart from me, ye PANSIES, into the everlasting COLD outside the FRONT DOOR, where ye may attempt to SMOKE for eternity, yet none shall give thee so much as a MATCH for tinder; yea, for that was MY SEAT, and ye didst not offer me succour for mine ASS."
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[User Picture]From: nosrialleon
2003-11-21 12:56 pm (UTC)

Ah!

That must just before the quip about beating your slaves. Matthew was always slow on the uptake when sarcasm was involved...
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[User Picture]From: pbd
2003-11-21 01:10 pm (UTC)
The dynamic duo is completely screwed. God does not want anything to do with them (hypocrites, saying the Lord's name in vain, bearing false witness), Solomon would have personally kicked B&G's ass.

On the other hand, I do not think Satan wants to help them out either. They are way to stupid and lame. Satan's got nothing to work with.

I think that they have successfully created their own personal real-time pergatory on Earth. Congrats!
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