The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban

  • Mood:
An excellent dinner: stirfry beef and eggplant with homemade peanut sauce. Why do I ever buy dressings and sauces from other people? Mental note: never do that again. Next time no beef, just a handful of cashews or peanuts. Increasingly I think I can and should do without meat. A year from now I bet I'm a vegetarian. Washed it down with a very nice glass of '01 Pouilly-Fuissé. Later, I'll have yogurt with berries. I can still eat well and not kill myself.

Again: homemade peanut sauce is so much better. Peanut butter + rice vinegar + honey + soy sauce + sriracha. Heaven!

During the benefits meeting they introduced two new benefits: a subsidy for well-child checkups for dependents under 18, and a benefit for health care of same-sex partners. I think I'll switch teams and get an underage boyfriend and see if I can make money.

There's more to life than books, you know, but not much more.

Note to jobseekers: my local supermarket is hiring scabs for a strike. Here's your chance to cross a picket line to sell Lunchables™, Chef Boyardee Ravioli, and fake artisanal bread to the local quality.

I think I realized at a very early age (maybe 8?) that I am destined to be an observer rather than a participant in life. I think I read a Shakespeare play and realized that I sympathized only with the Chorus. Things haven't changed so much since then. People around me lead flamboyant lives, full of sex and money and violence and poverty and alternative lifestyles and huge unresolvable conflicts. Meanwhile I sit in the corner, weighted down with a tremendous stone, and occasionally intone a comment or judgment upon the scene before me.

When I need to be with someone, I desperately crave social intercourse, or cuddling, or something more. When I need to be alone, I'm a distant, icy asshole. I need a partner in life who is just like that and exactly in sync with me. Dysfunction junction, what's your function?

I'm a terribly angry, judgmental backstabber. All of my humor is negative, but I'm a great coward. I talk about you behind your back. I am duplicitous, fearful, lecherous, and dependent.

However, I make a darned good stir-fry.
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