The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban
substitute

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hey internet, want to hear about my day?

I woke up too late and then realized that I needed to go pee in a cup for my new job at Skynet [1] and I hadn't yesterday, because I had forgotten to take the drug I take that among other things keeps me from forgetting things and therefore I forgot to go pee in a cup.

I took all my drugs! And then couldn't find my wallet. Without the wallet I could not identify myself at the pee in a cup place, and also I would be totally screwed and have to reboot my life because it had a check card and drivers license and two credit cards in it, and long story short that's "your papers" nowadays and if they're stolen you have to reboot your life.

After lots of dramatic searching and sweating and swearing, it was determined that the wallet had gone into the laundry. Recent U.S. money washes well, so my $35 was intact, and the cards seem to work too.

Then I went and peed in a cup. They didn't let me write down my prescriptions, so I will undoubtedly fail the test and have to fax them my prescription for the drug that keeps me from forgetting things among other benefits, because it is in fact SPEED. Boy this drug test thing sure is stupid!

Then I was a good son and drove my mom in her car to some philosophy colloquium but on the way the car, which already was idling too low, began to overheat. In fact, after I dropped her off the car overheated very badly and I just barely made it into a parking lot before it expired and huffed out a small mushroom cloud of steam.

I put a case of bottled water into the car (comedy, bottles, bubbling and spattering green fluid) and it seemed to calm down. This was a trick and a lie. I started the car up and began driving but it went nuts again and this time I barely made it into a gas station. After much waiting and cooling and addition of coolant and water I headed back to the university and the car once again overheated. Diagnosis: temperature type situation totally screwed, something broken.

When my mother stopped being philosophical I called AAA and sent her and the car away. Mrs. Greer was an angel and appeared later to drive me home.

Also my phone and laptop both ran out of battery at seriously inopportune times today, and the food processor thingy cut me out of sheer spite. I have always been kind to the food processor and I don't understand this kind of random, senseless violence.

On Monday I start at my new job at Skynet and I have no reliable car, so I am renting one for a week although I cannot afford this.

Now you know all about my minor rich-person troubles!

[1] This is a pseudonym
Tags: personalnarrative
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