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The American Caliban

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Advertising notes from all over [Aug. 25th, 2008|01:54 pm]
The American Caliban
[Current Mood |sleepy]

This just in via email:

With summer coming to an end, it's time to gear up for school at the Official Hives Store. Swing by now through Labor Day (September 1) and you can save 25% off everything in the store. Pick up men's and women's t-shirts, posters and keychains and more to get ready for all that the rest of the year brings. Pick out a new Hives hoodie now for the cooler months to come and save big! Shop the store by September 1 so you don't miss out

A one-size-fits-all note covering all their music properties. Substitute your favorite, such as Godspeed you! Black Emperor or Anal Cunt (thanks zeb).

Ad pitches in the form "THING is happening! So buy our stuff" are by definition desperate, and seasonal appeals approach bathos. In a 30 second radio pitch you can be dragged from "Spring is almost here" to "complete garage door service only $169.95."

Between that and being told that I'm a busy mom, I wonder how they ever sell me anything.

[User Picture]From: troymccluresf
2008-08-25 09:02 pm (UTC)
In a 30 second radio pitch you can be dragged from "Spring is almost here" to "complete garage door service only $169.95."

The verbal somersaults made by radio commercials during baseball games are amazing.

"Hey, Giants fans! Don't you just love the smell of the grass, the crack of the bat, the red stitches on the ball? Well you can get your own red stitches this weekend during Bed, Bath, and Beyond's summer curtain sale...!"
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[User Picture]From: kellyramsey
2008-08-30 11:35 pm (UTC)
Just arrived in the mail from Ralph's:

"We Latinos are famous for our celebrations as part of our Hispanic heritage. And Palmolive Fresh Green Apple dish liquid leaves everything so clean and sparkling, it makes you feel like celebrating! Its fresh aroma has been famous in our kitchens for many years. With Palmolive Fresh Green Apple, there's always a reason to celebrate!"
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2008-08-31 08:47 am (UTC)
Chad, I have concerns with what we're hearing about your performance as Director of Latino Marketing.
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[User Picture]From: kasheri
2008-08-25 11:03 pm (UTC)
Wait, aren't you a busy mom?
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[User Picture]From: eyeteeth
2008-08-26 12:54 am (UTC)
He's the laziest damn mom I ever saw, frankly.
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[User Picture]From: mcpino
2008-08-26 02:45 am (UTC)
lazy does not equal not busy.
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