The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban

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Candidate's Statement

I am proud to represent Orange County and I hope that you, the citizens, will return me to my legislatorial chair this year. As a long-time resident of our residential areas I have pursued a bottoms-up form of communication that extends the grass roots into the statehouse.

This year I have concenterated on domestic issues close to those which threaten our families. At the implementation level I have implemented the Dairy Protein Extension Act which allows low-income families to substitute edible pork plasma-based nondairy dairy products. I was a co-sponsor with Senator Diebold on H.R. 3331, the 2006 Picket Fences Act, otherwise known as "Tom Sawyer's Law." Together we've made a big step towards ending the whitewashing.

I am proud to say that I have visitated many businesses in our business district and worn their hats. And I have heard what you say. You said: go back to Sacramento, and I did. In Sacramento I have sat on committees as well as in my office. I want to bring back to you the knowledge that we are having great meetings with some dynamic and forward-looking movers and shakers, and that the future still lies ahead.

Here are the key issues I'm facing for you today while sitting:
  • Toxic parricides in your water supply
  • No more rubber-stamping of pork barrels
  • Mandatory abstinence education for newlyweds
  • Appropriate taxation for refrigerator magnets
  • State-funded monotreme reserves
  • No more abortions in public libraries
  • Whither baleen?
  • Secure online dating
  • Restricting sex offender access to Garanimals
  • Federal notaries on all airline flights
  • Ending nepotism in the drywall industry once and for all
I hope you'll join the Union Ironworkers, Ruth Buzzi, Opus Dei, and three out of four osteopaths in our osteopathic district in supporting my return to Sacramento this year.
Tags: politics
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