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The American Caliban

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late night toast thoughts due to SSRI withdrawal without any mahler symphonies at all [Aug. 31st, 2006|04:39 am]
The American Caliban
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[Current Mood |awake]

Shouldn't toast be instantaneous? There's no slow simmery magic or magic roasting chemistry going on. The raw material is fully cooked. It's just dry heat applied to sliced bread.

Why are all toasters not 0.2 sec flash toasters that throw beautiful perfect computer fuzzy logic adjusted toast back you as soon as you hit the button? What's holding us back?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: mcfnord
2006-08-31 11:52 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2006-08-31 03:27 pm (UTC)
On-demand water heating you can get.
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[User Picture]From: handstil
2006-08-31 01:17 pm (UTC)
You said it. I HATE waiting for toast, it feels ridiculous.
I think toaster makers must be distracted by some other ivention lately. Hmmmm.
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From: judgefudge
2006-08-31 01:43 pm (UTC)
The outer layer of toast is a starch that, despite appearances, has a lot of water in it. Flash cooking will tend to carbonize it. Slower cooking tends to caramelize it. This is the difference between the brownness of toast and the blackness of burnt toast.

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[User Picture]From: substitute
2006-08-31 01:48 pm (UTC)
FIX THE PROBLEMS!
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[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2006-08-31 03:31 pm (UTC)
A few minutes of 'net research convinces me that there's a lot of work to be done here. The 'browning reaction' - the general class of chemical changes that take place at the surface of food when it is heated - are very poorly understood. RBU has an 'institute for coffee studies,' so I think there is room for one on the study of browning and caramelization.
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From: judgefudge
2006-08-31 03:38 pm (UTC)
Plus, out of spite, realize this: changing the behavior of toasters means a level of knowledge of chemistry far beyond what we have now, plus possible changes in natural law. Frankly if we have that ability, I'd change substitute's brain to make him less cranky about something as insignificant as toast.
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[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2006-08-31 03:42 pm (UTC)
I think forcing changes in the thoughts and feelings of a human being in preference to changing the chemistry of bread would count as "using your powers for evil rather than good."
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[User Picture]From: screed
2006-08-31 04:11 pm (UTC)
As an outside observer, I like his brain. I also consider waiting for toast theraputic.
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From: judgefudge
2006-08-31 05:04 pm (UTC)
Toast is like life: its most nuanced flavors take time and gentle heat.

What Conrad is suggesting is the Sid Vicious of bread: fast, and in the end lacking subtlety and flavor; in many ways, the toast is equally bland as its untoasted counterparts.
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[User Picture]From: mcpino
2006-08-31 05:08 pm (UTC)
I did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
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[User Picture]From: screed
2006-08-31 05:10 pm (UTC)
He's in Southern California, man. There are Red Hot Chili Peppers have songs about "fast toast" and how it killed all their original guitarists.

[And I can spell therapeutic when I have my contacts in.]
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2006-08-31 10:08 pm (UTC)
It's a joke, son. It's a joke.
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From: judgefudge
2006-09-01 03:08 am (UTC)
Sure, after I win.
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[User Picture]From: mcpino
2006-08-31 05:07 pm (UTC)
FLAME THROWER!


My problem is this: why do I always run out of marmalade on the penultimate slice of toast?
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From: besskeloid
2006-08-31 05:30 pm (UTC)
Ah, 'Toast'. Probably Paul Young's finest four minutes.
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