Looking through the police blotter I see that:
- There was a drive by shooting around the corner from my house (East Bay St.)
- Someone found the remains of a bound and decapitated lamb, which appeared to have been sacrificed by some loons celebrating the Solstice (way to handle your GOTH PARTY, assholes!).
- Some local buffoons put an ad on Craigslist selling very illegal fireworks and all got arrested. Bonus points: the ringleader, teen henchman #1, and teen henchman #2 all have Myspaces so we can laugh at them.
- A local couple were convicted of slavery this week. That'll look awesome when you apply for a job at Wendy's after you get out. Please list your felonies on this form.
- There are two separate ongoing criminal cases at once right now of guys who licked people's feet.