||[May. 18th, 2006|06:17 pm]
The American Caliban
Behind me two women talk about their "awesome" pastor. In front of me another woman reads with the Life Application Bible and a Josh McDowell apologetics text called "A Ready Defense" stacked next to her. The parking lot is full of ichthyomobiles.
The groupthink is dreary. I feel like the last one in Orange County who's not an evangelical Protestant Konservative Kristian Klone.
you are not alone.
i think there are about five of us.
There's a couple of us left...but we're also Democrats so, we tend to stay away from
mobs crowded places for fear of discovery.
When I get there in June, we can both not be the PKKK.
Little offoffBroadway joint called House of Candles Theater that did absurdist plays. I worked there for like a year, even starred a little.
In Rhinoceros, I remember: the starring actress stuffing her face and all bug-eyed saying, "How do you know? You're no POLYGLOT." Night after night. Also, me and my co-actor Michael, an emergency room physician for heaven's sake, would go across the street to The Hat to get drunk on cheap frozen daiquiri's during intermission, because after intermission all we had to do was go around in a rhino mask and go rooar. With all the other rhinos.
I also remember the last moment of the play, again night after night, yes? The lead actor leans out of the balcony window and shrieks at the sea of rhinos around him, "I'M NOT CAPITULATING!"
I had a girlfriend in highschool whose parents gave her Josh McDowell pamphlets to read. I think we even watched a video of his about pre-marital sex.
I once attended a week of Christian mindcontrol with her in Tulsa (moral support, heh) taught by Bill Gothard (a name which we insisted on splitting into two words). Her mother sprained her ankle the first day and we had to attend the rest of the seminar alone. We started laughing during one of the lessons on reprobation and someone passed us a note that said, "GOD IS GOING TO ZAP YOU!!!!"
papering your home with Kinkade imagery now
2006-05-19 03:19 am (UTC)
Conrad, you are just terrific.
Your sweeping generalization is so unfair. Our fine homeland also boasts scores of Illiberal Islamist Immigrants and a small but delightfully vocal minority of Smarmy Starbucks Socialists.
2006-05-19 05:07 am (UTC)
Hot church action
People have holes in their brain
that they fill with religion.
Contrary to popular delusion, religion does not have
ideas, but ideas attach
to it: religion is glue. Or
CAULK, if you will.
People want a happy religion CAULK to spackle the hole in their brain. But random
ideas can stick to the CAULK. The CAULK is especially sticky and gummy, and you
can never be sure where that CAULK has been and what it has picked up, in spite of the CAULK's promises.
Many stick to their parents' CAULKS, or go else chasing exotic CAULKS for thrills. Sometimes weird people come to your door and try to push their CAULK into your brain. Or, you know, at airports.
CAULK has a mind of its
own. People need to be more careful about where they cram
CAULKS, and whose CAULKS they go cramming.
Many people think CAULK has a place in everyone's brains.
JIHAD FOR CAULK!
Also, big jutting cocks.
There is a family of Pentecostals (the church, not the island) living next door to me. They hold services at the house 3 or 4 days, with day long celebrations every Saturday. It's got to the point where I find myself thinking things like, 'They're speaking in tongues; it must be Tuesday.'
When I run out of hope, I go and listen to the children singing in the choir at the Cathedral. It doesn't do anything to reduce my loathing for the lead-lined life preserver that much of religion is. But it sure sounds sweet.
Reason #94 from my Why I Got Out Of Orange County list.
I'm almost positive that another election month would have put an assault rifle in my hands.
Don't you kill nobody.
It's good to know there are those specifically born to be PKKK's.
Thankfully,I'm not one of them AND I live in Orange County. Who knew!