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The American Caliban

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generic public update [Mar. 15th, 2006|01:36 am]
The American Caliban
[Current Mood |discontent]

Hi everybody. This is what's going on lately. I don't see a lot of you in person and some of you not at all, and a lot of people don't log in, or read this by RSS. So, general update on public entry.

My car broke. It needed a new transmission. The Honda Corporation unexpectedly replaced the entire transmission for free because the broken 3rd gear clutch pack is a known problem on the '01 CL and they extended the warranty. Thank you Honda Corporation for being stand-up folks and eating a $3000 repair job.

I've been reading about Buddhism lately. Not so much the religion with 72 hells and a thousand saints and lots of gold leaf, but the daily practice of it. It's fascinating to me once again, although I'm completely unable to practice meditation. It's just interesting to learn more about.

I'm still doing neurofeedback and EMDR. I am not happy with my progress and I do not have a good feeling about the future. I am frequently irritable, withdrawn, distractable, and deeply depressed. I apologize to anyone bothered by my behavior. Most of what I am working on is an attempt to fix relationships, and I have not been very successful. I wish there was not a barrier between me and everyone else, because I like other people a lot.

I hope all of you are well and I miss seeing you in person.

[User Picture]From: magyarok_saman
2006-03-15 12:18 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I like you a lot, too :)

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[User Picture]From: porcinea
2006-03-15 12:57 pm (UTC)
Have you tried walking meditation? Someone just recommended it to me, and I'm finding it fascinating. And also doable, in a way that sitting meditation has proved, erm, a teasing torment ever without my reach.
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[User Picture]From: cascadefailure
2006-03-15 01:52 pm (UTC)

We miss you!(Sorry my schedule is so ridiculous that it hasn't allowed me to come to coffee for several months now.)
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[User Picture]From: trinnit
2006-03-15 02:25 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: brianenigma
2006-03-15 04:29 pm (UTC)
Is the brain-lady stuff, with trying to alter the height/color of lines on a screen with the power of your BRANE, a sort of meditation? Or am I totally off-mark? I only have an imagined mental image of how that stuff works. Well, I did play around with the biofeedback gizmo that Radio Shack sold a decade ago, so I think I am mentally trying to factor how that worked into the brain-lady stuff, too.
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[User Picture]From: jessef
2006-03-16 05:12 am (UTC)
1. Tell us something about Buddhism.

2. I've also been a meditation delinquent. However, I recently encountered Buddhishy phrase to recite that I've found surprisingly effective. Make of it what you will, I figure it's worth a shot:

Breathing in I calm my body.
Breathing out I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment
I know this is a wonderful moment.

Nevermind the awkwardness/word repitition of the last two lines. The key, I suspect, is that the "smile" is only the faintest, Mona Lisa-like hint of a smile. Somehow, whenever I recite this, I have a mini-epiphany when I become aware of the moment, and likewise, I find myself agreeing, on at least some level, with the final line.
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