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The American Caliban

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via Strange New Products: H2OM [Feb. 16th, 2006|03:23 pm]
The American Caliban
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[Current Music |Makom - John Zorn]

So, you know, bottled water. Most of it is somewhat-filtered tap water. Gotta have a gimmick to sell it. Sometimes they put vitamins or electrolytes in it, not a bad idea. Sometimes they put caffeine or a little bit of fruit in it, okay. Sometimes they claim they've put oxygen in it to make you more oxygen-y, which is pathetic. Or they just want you to like them, so they put a picture of someone nice on it.

And then there's water that's been... ...liked. The good folks at H2OM Water sell "Water with Intention".

You all may remember an insane Japanese man who says that water changes when you think nice thoughts. "The Hidden Messages in Water", etc. He was in that movie "Do You Fucking Expect Me to Believe This Shit" or whatever it was called. He's an affable lunatic. Mix affable lunacy with marketing and you have our next Dr. Bronner.
Inspired by these studies, H2Om was created. A crystal clear natural spring water brand infused with the power of intention through words, music and thought. We gratefully offer you an interactive invitation to drink in and resonate with the vibrational frequencies of Love and Perfect Health.

Now absolute purity comes in Five Fantastic Infusions

NOW AVAILABLE:
LOVE
PERFECT HEALTH

COMING SOON:
WILL POWER
PROSPERITY
and
GRATITUDE
I'm glad they're coming out with the gratitude one, because after I've got love and perfect health I'll be needing to feel more grateful.

Reading their infusion process, it seems to consist of 1) picking out a label color and 2) playing music at the water in a warehouse.

Science was cool, wasn't it? Man I'm nostalgic already.
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Comments:
From: hersheyjumper
2006-02-16 11:48 pm (UTC)
There actualy is some factual evidence to support "Mr. Crazy Japanese man"'s claims.
( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0966531248/ref=pd_sim_b_3/104-5280239-8868758?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=130 )

The only problem I have with the bottled water is that you really can't protect the water from negative energies once it leaves the warehouse and is exposed to the overwhelmingly negative thought processes of the general population.
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2006-02-17 03:01 am (UTC)
I can't follow you there with the water crystals. It would take lots and lots of replication by less crazy people for me to cast aside, you know, physics.

Good point on that negative energies thing. A week in the Warehouse of Love and then off to the I-5.
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[User Picture]From: nosrialleon
2006-02-17 12:02 am (UTC)
HOORAY AMERICAN KABALLAH WATER!!!!!!11!1!1!
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[User Picture]From: lil_om
2006-02-17 12:38 am (UTC)
ya, i started to read the hidden messages in water because of my obession with quantum physics. it started out ok, then it got...weird.
i understand the music thing and the whatnot, but im not down with the "labels".

i dont think i will buy that water, ever, however. i would rather just pour a glass water and give it a hug.

the shit people will buy...OH WOW! dog poo in a box!!!
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[User Picture]From: vanmojo
2006-02-17 01:03 am (UTC)

MORAL ABCS

ALL WATER, ALL ONE, ALL ONE, ALL ONE!

mojo sends
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[User Picture]From: salome_st_john
2006-02-17 02:31 am (UTC)

FREEDOM WATER AND GOD WATER

The problem here is clearly that you are UNAMERICAN.
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2006-02-17 03:03 am (UTC)

Re: FREEDOM WATER AND GOD WATER

T SALOME_ST_JOHN I WILL NOT DRINK THIS AND IT IS IN NO WAY "JESUS JUICE"
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[User Picture]From: salome_st_john
2006-02-17 03:04 am (UTC)

Re: FREEDOM WATER AND GOD WATER

Don't worry about drinking the "Jesus Juice." That's my job.
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[User Picture]From: mcpino
2006-02-17 03:57 am (UTC)

Re: FREEDOM WATER AND GOD WATER

I am about to be thinking positive energy thoughts about my vodka. OOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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From: do_not_lick
2006-02-17 05:11 am (UTC)
I see trucks for this shit driving around SEA all the time:

http://zaqua.com/
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[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2006-02-17 05:28 am (UTC)
Wait, they add lye or something? They make it alkaline? I guess a parched throat loves a mild chemical burn..
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2006-02-17 07:55 am (UTC)
I'm made nervous by "99.9% pure", too. 0.1% of "other" is a lot. What's in there? Salt? Giblets? POO?
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