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Headhunter emails we never finished reading [Jan. 6th, 2006|03:46 pm]
The American Caliban
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I got a headhunter email just now of the shotgun variety which was even more special than these are usually. It's in the cut, with the response I wish I could send after.

Friday, January 06, 2006
Dear Roger:

The resume you posted caught my attention - I need to set up interviews by Jan. 12 for a TSQL database developer with a great firm in Irvine. The firm is a leader in software products used by stock trading firms worldwide.

An exciting position has been created due to expansion - apply your strong database developer skills using T SQL in a robust, high volume, large production transaction SQL Server web based application with OLTP. Your education and certification will be called upon as you also use DTS and ERD as the 'go to resources' within this newly created development team. Your skills with Linux and Oracle are a real plus. Compensation is generous and includes a full benefit package, bonus and 401K and I believe you will find the professional energetic environment very refreshing.

I have attached below a little more info and a couple of questions, please cut and paste to a word doc and I need you to return your responses to me with a current word doc resume, the salary range you are looking for and the times you would be available next week to interview.

Best Regards,

Roger Howland
The Job Dr., Inc.
RogerH@TheJobDr.com
www.TheJobDr.com
949-360-1800

/ / / Please cut and paste to a word doc and return to me by Monday Jan. 16 - thanks! \ \ \

Please take a minute and help me understand more about what you have done as a database developer. Even with seeing your resume, your comments on here will help determine which positions are worthwhile to consider. I have been asked to set up interviews for this TSQL position at the client location in Irvine, CA by January 12, 2006 - thanks for your interest and confidence in The Job Dr. Best regards, Roger

What are your top 3 technical skills?

In your own words give me a brief but specific comment about your experience in these areas?
1 the applications, and your part of development with T SQL:

2 other SQL Server or Oracle development experience:

3 transaction or production database experience:

4 your use of DTS

5 experience with ERDs:

6 DBA System Admin experience:

7 Real-time transaction systems:

8 languages or tools you have used most:

9 Financial equity or stock trading:

10 C++, C# .NET or Java experience:

11 XSLT, HTML, XML, Server Side:

12 Developer on commercial software projects:

13 Customer/end user client facing skills:

14 Attention to detail, follow-through, strong work ethic, Self starter Self Motivator:

What are examples of something you have done that demonstrates your level of skill as a database developer?

Describe your best day at work:

What types of positions are you interested in, or would consider?
1
2
3

Geographically how where will you go for a job you were interested in (miles/time/area)?

What is/was your current/last salary? 2-In today's market what range are you targeting? 3-What is the least salary you would consider if everything else were right?
1
2
3

Tell me about your worst day at work:

Why are you looking?

What is the technology you have worked on most?

What additional aspects of your experience, education or accomplishments do you feel is significant, even if not on your resume?

What stage of the 'job search' are you at and when are you available to interview, and to start a position that you are interested in?

Describe the ideal job:

I would like to talk on the phone when you get a chance as well. Please send me your resume as a word doc, the salary range you are looking for and the times you would be available next week to interview.

Best regards,
Roger
Roger Howland, President
The Job Dr. Inc.
RogerH@TheJobDr.com
www.TheJobDr.com
949-360-1800

Dear Roger:

Thanks so much for your note. I was confused at the beginning because it was addressed personally to you and not me, but I quickly realized this was just some kind of cut and paste error and that you weren't actually rogering me.

I'm more than a little surprised to hear from you. I'm not sure I even know exactly what "Transactional SQL" is, for one thing. I'm glad the application is robust, though. Sometimes they are fragile, even consumptive, and rough handling can snap their bones like twigs.

I'm also worried about people calling on my education and certification. If you'll take another look at my resume, you'll see that I didn't complete my degree at UCLA, and that I have done no coursework since, nor have I received any certification in Oracle, Linux, or OLTP or DTS or ERD, whatever those are.

I also had problems reading your questionnaire. A phrase like "1 the applications, and your part of development with T SQL:" doesn't parse as English and leaves the reader without much to go on, and "14 Attention to detail, follow-through, strong work ethic, Self starter Self Motivator" sounds more like the painful attempt of a recently literate migrant laborer to get a busboy job than like something one would ask a database developer. "Geographically how where will you go for a job you were interested in (miles/time/area)" probably just means "How far will you go", but looks like it was translated from an East Asian language by Babelfish.

Finally, I am unable to cut and paste your interview questions into a Word document because as a Unix- and Linux-based system administrator I do not own or use that product.

Before you try any more placements of well-paid, sophisticated technical professionals into corporate positions, I suggest you work on finding out what sort of person actually does these jobs, and ask a native English speaker or ESL graduate to take a look at your material.

With best wishes for further success in your endeavors I remain sincerely yours &c.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: cataptromancer
2006-01-06 11:53 pm (UTC)
"Geographically how where will you go for a job you were interested in (miles/time/area)?"

This in contrast to "Morally how far would you go for a job you were interested in?
1) Would lie
2) Would lie under oath
3) Would kill stranger
4) Would kill loved one
5) Would spit in the face of immortal God and consign myself to the Dark Prince for all aeternity"

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: maps_or_guitars
2006-01-07 12:57 am (UTC)
Oh! Send it!

Send it send it send it!

Or better: send half a dozen responses, by different authors, responding to the same questions. Or take different approaches:

Or give him all the answers you're certain he'll want to hear, except the one where you say you eat babies and poop on the floor.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: bruisedhips
2006-01-07 12:23 am (UTC)
Oh please do it please please please. I get at least two a week but I could never be so hilarious. Please!!!!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mcpino
2006-01-07 12:43 am (UTC)
In your own words give me a brief but specific comment about your experience in these areas?

This is a statement? Or this is a question.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: fattmike
2006-01-07 01:03 am (UTC)
I think you need a new EMail address from which to send that letter. I also suggest using an internet cafe in Botswana because you don't want to make it TOO easy for Roger to find you. :)
(Reply) (Thread)