The American Caliban (substitute) wrote,
The American Caliban

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The Real OC

So, the fine folks at FOX TV have got hold of the idea that they should make a show about my home town. They didn't call it Newport Beach, though, they called it The OC referring to the entire county.

Newport Beach, where I live, is a mostly wealthy and very pretty resort town. I'll deal with stereotypes about Newport some other time but it fits their mold pretty well.

Orange County, however, isn't so monolithic, and I have an alternative to their program. Mine would be called Stanton or Unincorporated Areas of Anaheim, and would play like a mix of Oz, Bill & Ted's Big Adventure, Born in East L.A., Requiem for a Dream, and American History X.

It would all take place in one of North-Central Orange County's hellish decayed suburbs full of meth-addled skinheads, really dumb surfers, violent Mexican gang members, freaked-out cops, and lots and lots of convenience stores. In fact, almost all of the action of each episode could be filmed in a convenience store.

Every week a new cast member would arrive from some hick town to CALIFORNIA!! and be innocent and cute and promptly get beaten or raped or killed or thrown in jail or perhaps just OD. Someone would say "He's Dead, Jim!" and crack open another 40.

Other possible titles for the show include "Beach and Ball", "Knott!", and "Bolsa Boys".
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