?

Log in

No account? Create an account
A Shout Out to My Pepys [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The American Caliban

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Links
[Links:| Dad Pinboard Last.fm Subscribe to me [Friendfeed] Flickr ]

Hillary, get a copy editor. [Sep. 10th, 2005|01:37 pm]
The American Caliban
[Tags|, , ]

My mother, who is on all liberal mailing lists, received this note from Mrs. Clinton:

Please join Friends of Hillary and help me meet the dual challenges of fighting for our priorities in the Senate while running a strong but forceful campaign that will ensure my re-election by sending a donation of $25, $35, or $50.

AU: Strong and forceful are synonyms and should not be separated by "but".

AU: You set up a parallelism of "dual challenges" and then used "while" to join the clauses, leaving the reader hanging.

AU: The campaign appears to be sending the donation.
LinkReply

Comments:
From: zarriq
2005-09-10 10:30 pm (UTC)
And yet, somehow, life goes on.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: substitute
2005-09-11 02:44 am (UTC)
...?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)