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Bob speaks: The collection call. - A Shout Out to My Pepys [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The American Caliban

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Bob speaks: The collection call. [Oct. 1st, 2011|11:58 pm]
The American Caliban




I got one of those calls. A young kid said “Sir, if you are unwilling to pay the amount owed, you’ll have to talk to Mr. James.”

“Listen to me for a second, kid. You work for Mr. James, and he drives a Porsche, and you want to park your Toyota Tacoma next to his Porsche, and you’re an office boy with aspirations, and you believe that this is how it works. I don’t think you understand.

“I have worked at an establishment similar to yours. I was a skip tracer, you probably know the phrase.  A skip tracer is an alcoholic murderer who has done hard time, and learned hard things during the hard time. Someone who really does not give a shit. I think you understand.

“And I will find you, because that is what skip tracers do, and I will be waiting in the parking lot with a baseball bat to smash the windows out of your fucking Toyota Tacoma and then smash your fucking skull in and smash Mr. James’ face in as well, if you ever fucking call me again. I think you understand.”

There were no more calls.

Mirrored from A Shout Out To My Pepys.

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: auntiesiannan
2011-10-02 10:06 am (UTC)
Where were you when agencies used to freak my young post-collegiate ass out?
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[User Picture]From: kiteflier98
2011-10-03 01:35 am (UTC)
No kidding.
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[User Picture]From: handstil
2011-10-02 02:10 pm (UTC)
LOLforever. I can hear this in my head so perfectly.
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[User Picture]From: sooz
2011-10-02 08:16 pm (UTC)
:( dude the kid was just doing his job
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[User Picture]From: kiteflier98
2011-10-03 01:40 am (UTC)
True... and speaking as someone who has done marketing calls, those kind of respondents could cause me to have a virtual meltdown. Knowing that's what I signed up for, however, it was to be expected on occasion. I was just glad I didn't sign up to do collections, only surveys.

On the other hand, it's nice to think of saying that sort of thing to a bill collector. I've encountered some that get a sick thrill out of intimidating the person on the other end of the call just to hear them crack. I tried being courteous and respectful with that sort of person. It doesn't do any good. They just keep harassing until they hear what they want or get disconnected. It's sad, but true. I hope you're never in the position to be bullied by someone like that.
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[User Picture]From: kiteflier98
2011-10-03 01:43 am (UTC)
Just as an aside, there are also people that handle calls that actually find this sort of response amusing. I remember that some of my co-workers from market research that used to compare calls by who got the biggest jack*ss on the other end of the line, only to be followed by uproarious laughter.
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