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Upon the occasion of driving to the house of a friend, and requiring medicine en route - A Shout Out to My Pepys [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The American Caliban

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Upon the occasion of driving to the house of a friend, and requiring medicine en route [Dec. 21st, 2008|07:47 pm]
The American Caliban
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So,

I took on a mission to bring salome_st_john coffee in order to get cookies.[1] On the way I needed to visit the 7-11 to get antacids, because I require them to avoid choking up and vomiting, always[2], and I was out.

I got the two coffees at Peet's, secured them, and headed to the 7-11. I was nearly sick in the car on the way; past time to fix this problem. Delaying the inevitable with a long drink of water from the bottle in the car, I took a deep breath and charged in.

I got my Pepcid Complete[3] and trotted back out to the car to take it.

Pepcid Complete, as purchased in the 7-11, comes in a matchbook-like cardboard foldover. Inside there are two little envelopes, each containing one pill.

The envelopes are made from a foil-like substance[4] with a paper backing. On one edge of the envelope there is a line drawn, with a scissors icon next to it. The type says "fold on this line, then tear at the slit."

I folded along the line, which was difficult; it was very close to the edge. Nothing like a slit was evident. Tearing at the line was fruitless. The situation was still urgent, and I used increasing force. Coarse words passed my lips. I bit and tore in a canine way, heaved at the thing with fingers and nails, repeated these things. A tear did open along the line, but this was too far from the center of the envelope to release the pill, which still sat swaddled and safe. The canine tearing resumed, with appropriate snarling included. No joy.

I now understood my fate. Modern medicine had been defeated by modern packaging, and I was in a suburban postmodern wasteland rotting from the inside, unable to reach my salvation, as in a bad short story.

Guzzling water and praying not to lose it again, I drove the mile to salome_st_john's place and rushed in, demanding scissors. I was saved.

Notes

[1] This is a very good way to spend two bucks.

[2] Since puberty I have had acidic stomach and GERD beyond belief. It's crummy. Nothing fixes it. Oh well!

[3] This is a combination of chewable antacid and a dose of famotidine which is an ideal quick-acting solution to sudden acid indigestion. I recommend it.

[4] I have nothing but admiration for the inventors of this remarkable substance. At first it appears to be simply paper and aluminum foil. Fifteen minutes into the process I realized that I had in my hands some miracle of materials science, developed perhaps for the Stealth Bomber, which managed to be soft and ductile yet completely untearable; it could only be cut by a sharp blade. Kudos!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: springheel_jack
2008-12-22 04:12 am (UTC)
I carry a fucking knife now.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: substitute
2008-12-22 04:14 am (UTC)
Usually I have my bag, which carries a Leatherman. I'll make "usually" into "always" now.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: brianenigma
2008-12-22 06:15 am (UTC)

...except at airports

I highly recommend a Bomb Defuser on the keychain.
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[User Picture]From: steph99
2008-12-22 10:34 pm (UTC)

Re: ...except at airports

Seconded, though I recommend the plain Leatherman branded version over the re-branded Make/Craft versions. Note: You can't get the wire strippers in pink, and pink only comes marked Craft. Subtle? NO. I keep a gray set in my pocket.
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[User Picture]From: pigglet27
2008-12-22 04:16 am (UTC)
PETG and paper backed foil. Pharma corners the market for the packaging Gods. I must Bow To Them. Implants are far too large to be able to foil the user so. And not nearly as fun since only surgeons see them.
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[User Picture]From: handstil
2008-12-22 04:39 am (UTC)
Ha!!!! That's a cruel joke; an antacid with steel packaging. Fuckers!

I will remember that Pepcid complete is good, because I have no luck with Tums and the like.
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[User Picture]From: tuliphead
2008-12-22 05:09 am (UTC)
i also have ongoing trouble with the heartburn and the acid reflux and the etc etc etc. i usually carry a bottle of ranitidine but sometimes i need something faster... like the other day when i was at a department store and got a horrid wash of acid in my mouth. i'll grab some of these pepcid... and a knife. thanks for the tip!
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[User Picture]From: brianenigma
2008-12-22 06:17 am (UTC)
Also: forget stealth bomber--this is the same stuff that that "weather balloon" in Roswell was made of.
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[User Picture]From: florence_craye
2008-12-22 03:16 pm (UTC)
They do this with Imitrex, too. The foil is underneath a heavy cardboard sheet with a somewhat perforated circles in the cardboard. "Pull cardboard off and push pill through foil" does not work when having a migraine. Actually, it doesn't work any other time, as the cardboard rips off before exposing the pill.

The drug companies do not want us to take medication when we're actually suffering from symptoms. Shouldn't we have planned ahead!?!
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[User Picture]From: salome_st_john
2008-12-22 04:45 pm (UTC)
WHY ISN'T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT MY COOKIES
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[User Picture]From: feisty_robot
2008-12-22 09:50 pm (UTC)
Tell me of the cookies of your homeworld, Usul.
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[User Picture]From: mrhinelander
2008-12-23 12:15 am (UTC)

BEST AVATAR-CONTENT MATCH EVER

This space intentionally left blank.
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[User Picture]From: mcpino
2008-12-23 12:25 am (UTC)

Don't talk to ME about cookies...

I AM STILL FUCKING WAITING ON COOKIES
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[User Picture]From: salome_st_john
2008-12-23 05:50 am (UTC)

Re: Don't talk to ME about cookies...

I really am an asshole, aren't I.

OK, I will be better about this. For some reason, the post office part of it is what thwarts me.
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[User Picture]From: planetdracula
2008-12-22 07:02 pm (UTC)
my reflux was so bad in Sydney that I threw up as soon as I got off stage
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[User Picture]From: substitute
2008-12-23 01:02 am (UTC)
Sounds about like mine, yeah. "Low-five"!
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